Anonymous asked:

What was wrong with your day?

There is nothing in my life that brings me any satisfaction whatsoever. Everything that has ever brought me pleasure has been systematically ruined for me. My emotional spectrum has been tortured into such a truncated, inhuman spread that ‘curiosity’ is the closest thing to a feeling I know I have in common with anyone around me, and most people are completely numb to that one anyway. I have no close friends or family, nor am I capable of deriving any pleasure from personal relationships as a result of chronic failure to bring anything but misery into anyone’s life I touch. The harder I try, the more I care, the worse I fail, invariably. That is the single most consistent dynamic in my life. I am fucking wretched at all of my jobs and am only here because training a replacement would be too time consuming and costly, and I am too shitty at everything I do to go anywhere else. I lack the resources to employ any of the vaguely useful skills I’ve developed in a worthwhile manner—all of my attempts at creation turn into black holes for money, time, and health. I am completely alone in an incomprehensible, alien world that disgusts me on every possible level. My life is, in its entirety, a bad joke and a waste of resources that almost anyone else would’ve been able to assemble into something meaningful. And the worst thing about yesterday is that it turned into today, and everything will still be the same tomorrow.